‘Don’t Fight on Principle’

Divorce can be one of the most stressful times in a person’s life, as people attempt to navigate the complexities of the legal system while dealing with high levels of vulnerability and anxiety. But attorneys can offer more than just representation: They are an aid resource, ensuring people don’t go through the journey alone. 

Maddie McClain, associate attorney with Ciancio Ciancio Brown in Denver, frequently encounters people who hesitate to hire a family law attorney out of concern that it might create conflict or make a situation worse. 

“Unfortunately, that can certainly be true sometimes,” she says. “But generally I try to view the attorney role as more of a helping role—someone who is there as a resource to answer questions, help weigh options and make the legal process more transparent.”

“Answer questions, help weigh options and make the legal process more transparent.” —Maddie McClain on a lawyer’s role

Setting Up for Success 

Finding the right person can make the proceedings more amicable, and help 

move you through the difficult period efficiently. But knowing the most effective way to approach the case is vital, says Jennie R. Wray, partner at The Harris Law Firm in Denver. 

“One of the biggest misconceptions is thinking that you want to hire a bulldog attorney, someone who is aggressive,” she says. “Oftentimes, that’s not very beneficial and it can actually be very damaging and set you up for failure.”

She advises working with an attorney who can handle both litigation and settlement or mediation. Reaching a settlement gives the client more control over the outcome rather than leaving it in the hands of a judge. “It’s lovely to see people put their frustrations with each other aside to reach an agreement,” Wray says. 

It’s important to keep conflict and anger in check as much as possible. Wray adds, “I tell my clients, ‘Don’t fight on principle.’ Because if you do, you’ll get burned every time.”

Getting Personal

While professionalism is important in a legal advisor, potential clients should also be assessing qualities such as personality and disposition. Patience, trust and empathy are all necessary through this process, which can be intrusive as strangers go through your finances or evaluate your parenting styles, Wray says. 

“In a divorce, you’re basically living under a microscope.”

Adds McClain: “Divorce doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s going to affect your social relationships, your financial status, ability to retire and have many other implications to your life.”

The right attorney can help you cope with these pressures. 

“I always tell people to look for qualities in an attorney that you value in people close to you in your life,” McClain says. “If you really like the way that person listens to you and gives you advice, and you feel like you really connect with them, look for those same qualities in an attorney.” 

She suggests asking potential attorneys to outline both the strengths and weaknesses of your case, and then assess how they communicate the latter, as well as any solutions to mitigate their impact on your case. 

Other questions that can offer perspective on a potential client-attorney relationship include: asking how communications are handled, such as whether a client is copied on emails, or how far in advance an attorney typically prepares for trial. 

Light at the End

Divorce proceedings are a long process, taking up to two years in some cases. For many clients, these can be the worst months of their lives, Wray says. But it’s important to remember it’s temporary. 

“It can weigh you down,” Wray says. “Give yourself some grace and give yourself a pat on the back for being able to get through it.”

Likewise, self-care is essential to get through the process. ”Ensure you are eating, sleeping and exercising despite the stress of the situation, as well as having a support system in place,” McClain says. 

“You need outlets to vent and ways you can remain grounded. Whether it’s through a hobby or leaning on family and friends, you’ve got to have a way to release the stress.”