Strengthening an Existing Bond

Though blended families have become a common family structure, stepparents, regardless of marital status, do not have legal rights over their stepchildren. 

“Even though that stepparent may be the one who’s helping put the child to bed every day, taking the child to and from school, playing catch in the yard—even though the stepparent in many instances often is fulfilling what is typically a parental role, the distinction is vast,” says Frank L. Perrone Jr., a family law attorney at Tarter Krinsky & Drogin. 

That is why some families choose to pursue a stepchild adoption. 

The Process

Stepparent adoption, like other adoptions, is a legal process that requires filing a petition with the court. “While you may come into a relationship and be super-duper in love with your new spouse, and you may think, ‘Oh wow, it’d be so nice to adopt their child,’ it’s far more complicated than that,” Perrone says. 

The first requirement—and the biggest hurdle—is that the other biological parent has to permanently give up their parental rights. “You’re legally replacing one parent, a biological parent, with another,” Perrone says. “Obviously, if there is consent, that makes everything much easier.”

And it requires more than a verbal “OK.” The bio parent can consent by either signing a consent form or appearing in court. If they don’t want to cooperate, then the filing parent will need to show grounds for the court to terminate parental rights, generally through abandonment or unfitness. 

“Unfitness would encompass things like they’re severely drug addicted, suffering from some type of permanent mental impairment—things of that nature that would really impair a person’s ability to care for a child,” Perrone says. 

It’s important to have contact information for the biological parent, says David Bliven, the founder of the Law Offices of David Bliven, as they will need to be served. 

The court will also look at the adopting parent’s criminal history and make a decision based on what it considers to be in the child’s best interest. Whether a child’s input is considered by the court depends on their age. New York law dictates that a child 14 or older will have their wishes considered. “They’re not just passive participants,” Perrone says. “Their voice matters.”

Perrone notes that it’s important to consider the impact the process could have on the child. 

“Custody cases just involving divorcing parents can be completely devastating to a child and to the family,” he says. “When you then introduce this new kind of nuance where it’s not a biological parent who’s actually fighting with the biological parent, it can make it even more emotionally challenging. … While on the one hand, there’s a benefit for the child who will now have that parental relationship that was missing, on the other hand, that same child will have to cope with the fact that the biological parent was willing to absolutely give up his or her rights.”

There are times when going through with adoption is not for the best—when the bio parent wants to stay involved or the child does not want to be adopted. It can take a long time, too. Bliven says New York family court prioritizes all other types of cases, meaning adoption cases can last at least a year, if not longer. An attorney will be needed to navigate the court system. Costs can be high. 

The Benefits

The main emotional benefit in these adoptions is permanence, and the strengthening of an existing bond. “It’s having a child know that they have a parent that is involved in their life and their rights cannot be taken away,” Bliven says. 

Practically speaking, this type of adoption brings legal rights to both the stepparent and the child. The child, most notably, will have the right of inheritance, and can receive health insurance or life insurance from the adoptive stepparent. The adoptive stepparent will gain the full authority to make decisions for the child, including medical and educational. 

“It’s less about creating new relationships,” Perrone says, and “more about formally recognizing a relationship that has existed, and then taking it to that next level to bring in the legal structure to protect the child and the parent in connection with that relationship.”

“Once they’ve adopted the child, they are the parent,” Bliven adds. That remains the same regardless of the marital status between the stepparent and biological parent. Adoptive stepparents have just as much of a right to custody in the event of a divorce, Bliven says, and typically the court will not entertain ending those parental rights because of a divorce. 

The process needs to be given deep consideration before undertaking it, Perrone says, but it can work out for the best. “When the circumstances are right, it’s a really phenomenal and wonderful thing for the parent and the child.”