Divorce Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint

Getting divorced in California, in the emotional aspect, is the same as getting divorced anywhere. 

“It is really, really hard,” says Stacy D. Phillips, a certified family law specialist at Blank Rome in Los Angeles. “The process is emotionally difficult. It just is.” 

But procedurally, it’s often different. California has a deep reserve of retired or semi-retired family law judges who can help move the process along outside of court as mediators and judges pro tem. California is one of nine community property states, meaning there’s a presumption that all assets and debts accumulated during a marriage are split equally or relatively equally. 

While divorce is difficult no matter where you live, legal professionals say you can set yourself up for a smoother process by being proactive, taking carefully considered steps and utilizing the resources available. 

Know Your Options

When first considering divorce, it helps to understand the pathways that the proceedings can take. It can be resolved between the parties, with lawyers or not; it can be decided outside of court or in front of a sitting judge; it can be through the collaborative law process. And that’s just to name a few, not to mention the myriad combinations one could take.

“They’re not defined lines. They’re fluid, and you can move amongst them and combine them,” Phillips says. For example, cases often spend some time in court, but the ultimate resolution isn’t necessarily through trial. “And just because you settle things along the way doesn’t mean you won’t go to trial in the end,” Phillips adds.

To find a lawyer or mediation practitioner, family law attorney Michael Hanasab, of Jamra, Jamra & Hanasab in Beverly Hills, suggests turning to your existing networks, including friends or advisors. But he cautions against relying solely on suggestions. 

“A lot of it is word of mouth—talking to friends or trusted advisors—but it’s also doing your own research,” he says. “You want to find someone who you get along with and you feel comfortable with, because divorce is a marathon. It’s not a sprint.”

Get Organized 

Hanasab also suggests spending some time locating and organizing your financial paperwork. 

Since California is a full disclosure state, couples will need to reveal all of their assets, debts, income and expenses when divorcing. Having those documents available in advance may save both time and money, since your attorney’s billable hours will not be spent requesting them from you. 

“If you have your documents, if you’re organized or you can get organized, it’s going to be beneficial,” says Hanasab.

California offers divorcing couples the option of using a private judge. These judges, who are often retired or semi-retired, can work as mediators or decision-makers in litigation called judges pro tem. Using one can help resolve a case faster than the public system, especially if it takes the case out of the backlog that often slows down California courts. 

“It’s a wonderful resource that we are lucky to have,” says Hanasab. “There’s a long list of retired judicial officers at our fingertips to help cases resolve, whether it be amicably or by way of litigation.”

These judges have typically spent many years in family law and can advise parties in mediation on how a judge might rule if the case went to the public court system.

“A judge pro tem is used to making decisions,” says Phillips. “So, you can say, ‘If you were trying this issue in court, how would you rule?’”

Keep Your Wits About You

A divorce team doesn’t just include lawyers, mediators and judges. Parties may also want to find custody experts and coaches, forensic accountants, appraisers, financial advisors and/or therapists for themselves and their children or other dependents. 

Anything you say or do can be used against you during the divorce process, so Phillips advises caution in what you say, who you say it to and what you post online. 

“Be very careful in your written and verbal communications,” she says. “You can text—just assume a judge is going to read it, and act appropriately.”

If you need to vent, she adds, “take out your frustrations with your therapist.”