Should You Adopt Your Stepchild?

If you marry someone with children, you’re already helping to raise them. Should you take one more step and adopt them? 

A stepparent most often adopts a stepchild when the biological parent is no longer a part of the child’s life, says family attorney Nancy Brodzki of Brodzki Jacobs in Coral Springs. Sometimes a biological father believes a child isn’t his and disappears before the birth. Or a divorced parent moves far away and loses contact. Then a nuclear family can form around the custodial biological parent and stepparent.

“The stepparent feels a strong love connection to the child, and a conversation with their spouse about adoption just organically occurs,” Brodzki says. 

What are the advantages? Stepparents who adopt gain the authority to make decisions about the children’s education and health care. And the kids become their legal heirs and can inherit without being explicitly named in a will, notes family law attorney Vanessa Vasquez de Lara of Vasquez de Lara Law Group in Miami. 

Adoption also protects the relationship between the stepparent and stepchild, should the biological custodial parent die. Vasquez de Lara recalls a case in which a child lost her father in an accident, and her biological mother swooped in to demand custody.

“Even though the biological mom had basically abandoned her child, we had to do some pretty heavy-duty litigation,” says Vasquez de Lara. “If there had been a stepparent adoption, there wouldn’t have been any need for that, because the stepmom would’ve just been mom.”

At the same time, adoption isn’t a decision to make lightly, says Vasquez de Lara. The stepparent will have the same responsibilities as a natural parent.

“If you divorce later, you can’t simply say, ‘Oh, well, that’s not my biological child, so never mind,’” she says. “You’re now that child’s parent. Your name gets put on the birth certificate.”

And a biological custodial parent might not want their spouse to adopt, Brodzki says, because they’ll have to share parenting rights and authority if their spouse adopts their child.

“I tell them, ‘You understand if you get divorced, the other parent could get custody and you’d be required to pay child support,’” Brodzki says. “’Your rights are not superior to theirs because of DNA.’”

When a biological parent is involved in their child’s life, it can be difficult to arrange a stepparent adoption, because the biological parent will often try to block it. 

“You’re terminating that other parent’s rights,” says Vasquez de Lara. “This isn’t a situation where you become a third parent. You’re replacing the other parent.”

Even an absent biological parent may try to contest a stepparent adoption.

“Just because you’re not a good parent doesn’t mean you don’t want to be a parent,” Vasquez de Lara says. “They may think, ‘What am I going to tell my family? That I’m no longer a parent to this child?’”

To win a contested adoption, you’ll normally have to prove that the biological parent has neglected, abused, or abandoned the child either emotionally or financially, Brodzki says. 

“Being a crappy parent isn’t enough,” she adds. “Reasonable minds can disagree on what crappy parenting is.” 

With an absent or unreliable biological parent, there’s also a possibility that going to court will bring them back into your child’s life—perhaps in a bad way. A deadbeat ex who finds out he or she could get time-sharing with your child could become a negative influence.

“It’s not all rainbows and sunshine because we go to court,” Vasquez de Lara says. “Court does not make people good people.”

Quick Facts on Adopting a Stepchild 

• Once a child turns 12, their consent is required for an adoption.
• Once they turn 18, stepchildren can agree to be adopted without anyone’s consent. 
• For a nonbiological LGBTQ+ parent, adoption offers extra protection, in case LGBTQ+ rights are overturned and the marriage becomes invalid. 

Sources: Nancy Brodzki and Vanessa Vasquez de Lara