A Lifetime Commitment: The Benefits and Complications Involved in Adopting a Stepchild

Recently, a throng of family members and friends crowded into a Boston courtroom to witness the finalization of a 12-year-old boy’s adoption by his stepfather. The two were dressed alike, in suits and fancy matching sneakers. 

“They were extremely close, and he called him ‘Dad’ already,” says their adoption attorney, Joyce Kauffman. “He was the only father this child had really ever known, and the child very much wanted to have that legal relationship acknowledged. It was really lovely.”

Why Stepparents Choose To Adopt Their Stepchildren

Although there are a number of reasons stepparents might decide to adopt their nonbirth children — namely, the absence or estrangement of the birth parent — the main one is emotional. 

“You’ve got a stepparent who has bonded, loves, cares for and acts as a parent to this child, and doing the adoption gives that legal stamp of authority to what might already be their reality,” says Andrea Wells, an attorney with Turco Legal in Newburyport. 

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What the Stepparent Adoption Process Looks Like

So when should you move forward with an adoption? And what does the adoption process look like?

If your household depends on child support from the noncustodial parent — which would end when that parent’s rights are terminated as part of the process — or if the child is nearing 18, it might make sense to hold off.

But if the child has been living with you and your spouse in a stable home for several years, there are few reasons not to adopt if that’s what all of you want, attorneys say.

Adoption gives you the legal authority to do everything the biological parent can do, including giving consent for medical procedures and meeting with teachers at school. This is especially important for same-sex couples, whose parenting rights have been challenged in some states.

The stepchild stands to benefit from an adoption — he or she can inherit your assets and draw Social Security benefits if you die. The added sense of belonging can be just as important. 

“That matters to kids, that ‘I’m just as important as the rest of the children in the family,’” says Wells. “We’re always looking at the best interest of the child, and often that stepparent is going to be the stability and love that the child needs.”

Stepparent Adoption Is a Fairly Straightforward Type of Adoption

Unlike adoption by two nonbiological parents, which is more complicated and time-consuming, the stepchild adoption process is fairly straightforward in Massachusetts, says Wells. 

Even so, be prepared for lots of paperwork. You’ll start by filing an adoption petition, undergoing a criminal record check, and submitting copies of your marriage certificate, the child’s birth certificate and other documents. 

The noncustodial legal parent will be notified. If their whereabouts are unknown, a notice must be published in the local newspaper. A home study — an “intense” step required for standard adoptions, according to Kauffman, that is completed by a licensed adoption agency or the Department of Children and Families — can be requested to be waived at the discretion of a judge.

Common Hurdles in the Stepparent Adoption Process

The biggest and most common hurdle, attorneys say, is hesitancy from the other parent to relinquish their rights. If they object, the court will need to determine whether they are fit to parent. The child must also consent if they’re over 12.

If all goes smoothly, however, the whole process takes just a few months and ends with a finalization hearing. “It’s very brief, somewhat informal,” says Kauffman. “It’s sort of the only happy thing that the judges do, really, in family court.” The child’s birth certificate is then amended to reflect that you are a legal parent.

Having an Adoption Lawyer On Your Side Is a Good Idea

Adoption attorneys can do most of the heavy lifting, so hiring one upfront is a sound idea. “Having an attorney streamlines it, and perhaps fast-tracks it,” says Wells. “People doing it on their own would have a harder time navigating the court system.” 

Adds Kauffman, “It’s not rocket science as legal processes go. But in my experience, it’s hard for people. They don’t understand the nuances of what paperwork needs to be completed, even though there are instructions online. Many of my clients who are doing stepparent adoptions start the process themselves and get overwhelmed and then call me.”

Keep in mind that, once you adopt, there is no going back, even if you and your spouse divorce. You’ll still have the same responsibilities as a birth parent, including responsibility for child support and college tuition. “I had a case where the adoption went through, and several weeks later, that biological parent filed for divorce, and that meant the other parent was basically on the hook for child support,” says Wells. “This is a lifetime commitment.”

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