What Matters Most in Custody Cases

When parents separate, divorce or otherwise split, determining custody can be one of the trickiest factors to figure out. It’s crucial to create a parenting plan that establishes where children will live and how other major decisions affecting their well-being will be made.  

“There’s a lot more focus now on being creative with parenting plans so they work for each family,” says Boston family law attorney Emily Weber of Bowditch & Dewey. Whether parents reach an agreement mutually or ask a judge to intervene, the most effective plans are generally guided by one overarching principle: the child’s best interests.

Best Interests Come First

The best-interest standard is intentionally broad, allowing parenting arrangements to reflect each family’s unique needs.

Phyllis Federico, a family law attorney at Warner, Federico & Ryan in Boston, says evaluating a parenting plan often starts by looking at the roles each parent played immediately before the separation. She says judges and attorneys frequently consider the status quo, including “what was working or what was not working” before or during a period of separation. That may include who handled daily routines, school and medical needs, transportation and other caregiving responsibilities.

A child’s age and developmental stage is often considered. “A parenting plan for a 14-year-old may not be appropriate as a plan for a 4-month-old,” Federico says. As children grow, enter school and become involved in activities, parenting arrangements may need to evolve as well. Children with medical, educational or other needs may also require specific accommodations to be outlined in parenting plans.

Family Dynamics

It’s important for parents to work cooperatively. “Each parent must be committed to co-parenting, communicating well and supporting the child’s relationship with the other parent,” Weber says.

Maintaining those strong relationships is critical. “Most attorneys, judges and mental health professionals who deal with families in divorce will tell you that it is best for children to have a healthy and robust relationship with both parents,” adds Federico. 

That’s why Weber and Federico always warn clients not to involve children in adult conflicts and to avoid speaking negatively about the other parent or sharing details of legal proceedings and financial disputes. “There may be anger at the other parent, but it’s important to set aside your emotions and focus on the child’s needs,” Weber says.

Children are often more concerned about how it will affect their life—whether they will remain in the home they know, continue at the same school and participate in their usual activities, Federico notes. Helping them feel secure about the new day-to-day dynamics while adults work to solidify an agreement can reduce uncertainty during an already difficult transition.

The preferences of older children—generally starting around 16—may have a stronger impact. However, a child’s maturity and the reasoning behind those preferences can matter more than the preference itself. A child might strongly express a desire to live with one parent, Federico explains, but upon closer inspection, that request could be based on something like fewer rules or later bedtimes, rather than what best meets the child’s needs.

Crafting a Plan That Works

As family structures and work arrangements have changed, parenting plans have become increasingly flexible. What was once considered the traditional arrangement, in which one parent saw the children every other weekend and perhaps one evening during the week, has become much less common. Instead, many parenting plans now provide children with meaningful time with both parents through extended weekends, additional overnights and, at times, more evenly shared schedules.

Family law attorneys almost always encourage parents to work together to develop a parenting plan. After all, says Federico, “Who knows their children better than the parents?”

Attorneys can guide those discussions, helping parents build a customized plan that fits their family’s current needs and adapts as their children grow. Weber says lawyers regularly navigate custody disputes and identify potential solutions, such as bringing in a parenting coordinator, to move a plan forward even in a high-conflict situation.

No matter how an agreement is reached, it should be formalized through the courts and incorporated into an order or judgment, a process that attorneys can assist with to ensure the terms are clear and enforceable. 

Not every issue that contributes to the breakdown of a relationship will affect a parenting plan. “If there’s been infidelity in the marriage, that is not something that is usually going to alter custody or the parenting plan if it didn’t involve the children,” Weber says.  

In the end, the focus remains on what serves the child’s needs and well-being. As Federico often tells parents, “You need to love your children more than you hate each other.”