How Dads Get Custody in NYC

Fathers fare well in New York custody battles in the 21st century

By Mary Pilon | Reviewed by Canaan Suitt, J.D. | Last updated on July 11, 2023 Featuring practical insights from contributing attorneys Jerome A. Wisselman, Jacqueline Newman and Eleanor B. Alter

Use these links to jump to different sections:

In the 1979 Academy Award-winning film Kramer vs. Kramer, a custody battle erupts between Ted and Joanna Kramer (Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep) over their son Billy.

Because we’re following Ted’s story, and we’ve seen how much he loves his son, we tend to root for Ted in this battle. We agree with their neighbor, played by Jane Alexander, who tells Joanna from the stand, “You don’t know how hard he’s tried. They’re beautiful together, just beautiful.” But the court hasn’t had the benefit of seeing the same movie and awards legal custody to the mother. 

This was the most common child custody result back then.  “Unless a mother was foaming at the mouth or feeding her children antifreeze, she almost always got custody,” says Eleanor Alter, a family lawyer with Alter, Wolff & Foley in New York City. “There had to be something really egregious.” Much has changed for fathers in child custody cases.  

[Courts have] been much more accepting of fathers who want to spend substantial amounts of time with their children.

Jerome A. Wisselman

Flexible Schedules

New York courts are extending much more flexibility to fathers, says Jerome Wisselman, a family law lawyer with Wisselman, Harounian & Associates in Great Neck. “They’ve been much more accepting of fathers who want to spend substantial amounts of time with their children.”

What hasn’t changed in New York State, Wisselman says, is that much of the work he does with a non-custodial parent regarding custody of the child takes place out of court, particularly in advising how to discuss a custody battle with children involved.

“It’s important that the father doesn’t denigrate the mother,” he says. “And it goes both ways with the mother, too. The children make out better when the parents respect each other and show that.”

You cannot go to family court over every single transgression. But if there’s a pattern of a parent trying to intrude on the relationship with the children, you might.

Jacqueline Newman

Little Jabs

Another problem that noncustodial fathers may face in enforcing visitation schedules is ensuring that an agreement is literally enforced, says Jacqueline Newman, a managing partner with Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein. Even after mediation has been successful, there can be “little jabs,” such as being late for arranged visits.

“It’s a hard thing,” Newman said. “You cannot go to family court over every single transgression. But if there’s a pattern of a parent trying to intrude on the relationship with the children, you might.”

Finally, from Alter, this advice to both fathers and mothers in a child custody battle: Unless the child is in emotional or physical danger, “Settle, settle, settle.”

[Unless the child is in emotional or physical danger]—settle, settle, settle.

Eleanor B. Alter

Find an Experienced Family Law Attorney

You start by seeking legal advice from a law firm or law offices with an experienced New York family law attorney or fathers’ rights lawyer.

If you’d like more general information about this area of the law, see our custody and visitation law overview and our father’s rights overview.

Was this helpful?

What do I do next?

Enter your location below to get connected with a qualified attorney today.
Popular attorney searches: Child Support Divorce

Additional Custody & Visitation articles

0 suggestions available Use up and down arrow keys to navigate. Touch device users, explore by touch or with swipe gestures.

Related topics

At Super Lawyers, we know legal issues can be stressful and confusing. We are committed to providing you with reliable legal information in a way that is easy to understand. Our legal resources pages are created by experienced attorney writers and writers that specialize in legal content in consultation with the top attorneys that make our Super Lawyers lists. We strive to present information in a neutral and unbiased way, so that you can make informed decisions based on your legal circumstances.

0 suggestions available Use up and down arrow keys to navigate. Touch device users, explore by touch or with swipe gestures.

Find top lawyers with confidence

The Super Lawyers patented selection process is peer influenced and research driven, selecting the top 5% of attorneys to the Super Lawyers lists each year. We know lawyers and make it easy to connect with them.

Find a lawyer near you