What Should Be Included in a Parenting Plan?

You didn’t set out to raise your children separately from your partner. However, here you are. Now that you are facing life as a co-parent, you need a plan. States have addressed this need with a legal document called a parenting plan. It defines the responsibilities and roles of each parent, child custody, finances, and anything else that will impact the child’s upbringing. A well-drafted parenting plan can serve as a reference and resource for the parents to ensure the child’s well-being.

Six Essentials of a Parenting Plan

Drafting a parenting plan can feel like an overwhelming task. Divorcing parents who are already mired in their own conflict must now come together and agree on how they will raise their children. They must address everything from day-to-day routines to major decisions in a single document. While it may seem daunting, parents need to attempt to agree through mediation or collaborative methods. Otherwise, they will end up presenting their arguments before a family court judge. The judge will make a ruling and issue a court order for the terms. This takes the control away from parents and places it in the hands of the court. Parents can find themselves in a position that makes them more unhappy than if they had agreed to a compromise with each other.

Richard E. Garriott, a family law attorney at Garriott Maurer in Virginia Beach, Virginia, explains that parents can create their own parenting plan but that if it fails, the court will do it for them. “A parenting plan is always something that people agree to, whereas ultimately if they can’t come to an agreement, the court is going to issue a parenting order—a custody and parenting schedule that would go into an order that will then be forced upon the parents.”

1. Parenting Time Schedule

The section of the parenting plan that tends to get the most attention is the time-sharing schedule. This is the schedule of when each parent will have physical custody of the child. It is crucial that the schedule is detailed. It should include a weekly routine of weekdays and weekends. It should also address school breaks, holidays, birthdays, and special occasions. Many parenting plans will create an alternating schedule where parents take turns having physical custody for the major holidays and school breaks. There are also some commonly used time-sharing schedules that look like this: 2-2-3, 3-4-4-3, 4-3, 5-2, and alternating weeks. These stand for how many days the child will spend with each parent. For example, a 2-2-3 schedule means the child spends two days with the first parent, then two days with the other parent, then three days with the first parent. The parents will rotate back and forth following the pattern of days.

It’s helpful for parents to plan for the possibility of vacations. One parent may want to take the child on an extended vacation that would interfere with the set schedule. The parenting plan can account for this by giving each parent a set number of days for vacation planning, such as a week or two annually.

The parenting plan needs to include a contingency plan for the unexpected. Having a set schedule in place is nice, but real life isn’t routine and predictable all of the time. Having terms for last-minute changes can help with dispute resolution. There also needs to be a plan for the child’s participation in extracurricular activities. As children age, they may want to participate in activities outside of school hours. Parents need to plan for this.

Another common term parents will include in their parenting plan is a right of first refusal. This term will require parents to give the other parent the right of first refusal. Instead of hiring a babysitter, a parent should contact the other and give them the right to watch the child. If the other parent cannot, then the first parent would hire a babysitter. This term helps parents maximize their time with the child and reduce the amount of time a third party is watching them.

2. Decision-Making Authority

There is no getting around the fact that parenting requires making a million decisions. Some are minor decisions, like what to eat for breakfast. Other decisions are significant, such as which school the child should attend. The parenting plan should clarify the difference between physical and legal custody. During physical custody time, the parent with the child will likely make all of the daily decisions, such as what to wear, eat, and do. Legal custody is the responsibility of making major decisions. One or both parents may have this responsibility. It does not change with the movement of the child. If both parents have legal custody, they must communicate and agree on decisions like health care, religious upbringing, and education. Consider including a broad range of potential topics or those that are specific to the parent’s concerns. The COVID-19 pandemic brought up the issue of vaccines and whether parents agree to them at all or specific ones.

Life is unpredictable, so a parenting plan should also include provisions for emergency situations. For example, a child could experience an injury with a parent who does not have legal custody. An emergency provision ensures that the parent can secure emergency medical care for the child without violating the parenting plan.

Finally, parents should include a process for conflict resolution. Even parents who communicate and work well together will eventually need a tie-breaker process.

3. Child Support and Expenses

One of the most common sources of conflict for divorced co-parents is money. The parenting plan can reduce these conflicts by clearly outlining financial responsibilities. The primary term is child support. It needs to detail how child support is calculated, the amount to be paid, and the frequency. It should also include any potential fines or penalties should the non-custodial parent not make on-time payments.

Potential additional expenses should also be addressed. This could include child care, daycare, health insurance, health care, and extracurricular activities. Some parents also choose to address the potential of higher education. They could agree to set a certain amount of money aside in a savings account for the purpose of paying for secondary education. Another common issue addressed is deciding who will claim the child on their taxes.

4. Special Considerations

Each family’s situation is unique, and there may be specific terms that need to be included. Children with special needs may require additional daily care, education, and health care considerations.

Another common issue is the topic of new partners. It’s commonly agreed that it is in the child’s best interest to limit the number of new partners they are introduced to. Some parents want to meet their ex’s new partner before being introduced to the child. Other parents agree to a time period that must pass before introducing new partners.

Other terms that some parents choose to include are terms that outline the level of involvement acceptable by extended family members. This can be important if there are existing or ongoing issues with extended family members. There may also be a concern about mental health or substance abuse issues. Including terms that limit the child’s exposure to these issues can be crucial.

5. Communication

A parenting plan should include communication expectations. Often, divorcing parents struggle to communicate healthily and effectively. Outline how, when, and why they must communicate and facilitate co-parenting. First, define how parents will communicate with each other. For some parents, this could be as simple as calls and text messages. For others, it may require the use of a court-recognized parenting app. That way, communications are recorded, cannot be deleted, and are submissible to family court as evidence.

Communication terms should also include how the parents will communicate with the children. There may need to be terms that outline when and how one parent may communicate with the child when with the other parent.  The goal is to encourage a parent’s relationship while also not interfering with the other parent’s time. A common term is to allow a nightly phone call from the other parent.

Finally, it is in the best interest of the child not to slander or defame the other parent in front of the child. Having this term in the parenting plan enables each parent to hold the other parent accountable.

Parents should also agree to who has access to the child’s information. One parent will need to hold the original birth certificate, passport, health insurance card, and other important documents. However, the other parent may need access to those documents. How and when this access is provided should be outlined.

6. Miscellaneous Provisions

A parenting plan can be as simple or as detailed as the parents want it to be. For co-parents that are particularly contentious, a more detailed parenting plan can be beneficial. The more situations that are addressed, the less room there is for conflict later. Some situations commonly spark conflict that a custody attorney can assist parents with creating terms for.

Pick-up and drop-off during exchanges frequently create conflict. The parenting plan can reduce conflict by specifically detailing all relevant logistics. Pick a specific place where each exchange should take place. Pick a time when the parents should meet. Choose how long the parents must wait for the other before they can continue on with their day. This helps prevent one parent from waiting for hours for the other to arrive at the agreed-upon meeting point. If the late parent fails to arrive within the time, they forfeit their time.

Parents may want to outline a specific procedure for introducing new partners to the child. It could include requiring the relationship to be steady and consistent for an agreed-upon time period. It could require the other parent to meet them first.

Another common term is how the parenting plan will be updated in the future. Children of different ages have different needs. A parenting plan that works for small children may no longer be functional for pre-teens or teenagers. Parents can include a provision in their parenting plan that makes it simple for them to adjust the plan as the child ages and circumstances change.

Technology and screen time agreements have been a modern addition to parenting plans. The parents agree to terms like when children can get their first cell phone, social media, or other online accounts. They can agree on when children have access to technology, supervision requirements, and usage time limits.

Children that regularly spend time at both parent’s houses will inevitably carry belongings from one house to the other. For contentious parents, this can create an issue. The parenting plan can outline that children’s belongings stay at each parent’s house. It can also define which belongings are allowed to be taken from one house to the other.

The Role of Legal Professionals

Crafting a detailed parenting plan the first time around is essential for co-parents. This legal document provides the framework for how the parents will move forward together when raising their child/children. A custody lawyer will have experience writing parenting plans. They will know what terms are commonly included and the terms necessary to reduce conflict.

Divorcing parents should each hire their own family law attorney. Each attorney will have a client relationship that requires them to protect their client’s rights. This ensures the parenting plan isn’t one-sided or unduly unfair to one parent. A lawyer can also provide insight into the potential outcome if the parents fail to agree. For terms that parents cannot agree upon, they will presented at a hearing in front of a judge. The judge will then make a decision and issue a court order. This creates a potential for neither parent to get what they want.

Garriott explains the importance of parents speaking with a family law attorney. While the lawyer will advocate for their client’s wishes, they can also guide parents to have realistic expectations about what their parenting plan can and cannot do. “More advantageous to any party when you’re going into court or trying to work out a parenting plan is to speak with an attorney knowledgeable in family law because they’re going to be able to guide the client. The parent has to know what the realities of the situation are if they do end up having to go to court. The parent may have expectations that just aren’t going to happen because that’s not something that the law is going to take into account.”

Practical Tips for Implementing a Parenting Plan

Parents in the process of negotiating a parenting plan can start with a template. That way, they can start with a basic framework to get them started. However, they shouldn’t solely depend on a template. Online templates tend to be generic and generalized. Parents should consult with a family law attorney to finalize their parenting plan. An attorney who works in the jurisdiction where the parents are will know the local laws. They can provide valuable legal advice, helping parents craft a customized and legally enforceable parenting plan.

It can also be helpful to create a parenting plan checklist. Parents can add to their checklist as they think about things or talk with friends and family. Then, they can bring up their checklist of items with their attorney. That way, they don’t risk forgetting a significant term.

It can be tough for divorcing parents, but they should try to remain open to communication and cooperation. Being willing to compromise is crucial. While neither parent will get everything they want, the final parenting plan will be in the child’s best interest.

Find Legal Help

A parenting plan is a legal document that outlines in writing how biological parents will raise their children together. Ideally, the parents will negotiate and work together to create a parenting plan that everyone can be happy with. Because a parenting plan can impact every aspect of the child’s life, it is crucial that parents include all terms that can aid in reducing the risk of confusion or conflict. By working with experienced family law attorneys, the parents can draft a complete parenting plan that addresses all of the family’s needs.

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