How To Handle a High-Conflict Divorce

By Oni Harton, Esq. | Reviewed by Tim Kelly, J.D. | Last updated on April 11, 2025

You may think that all divorce cases are high-conflict divorces. However, certain qualities define a high-conflict divorce. In a high-conflict divorce, the couple cannot resolve differences in a business-like manner or amicably—to say the least. Divorce seems more like a costly war. Unfortunately, a high-conflict divorce damages relationships and can cast a wide net of destruction both financially and emotionally.

If you find yourself involved in a high-conflict divorce, you need support. An attorney can help you navigate the additional complexities involved. Get assistance from an experienced divorce lawyer in your area

Understanding High-Conflict Divorce

Any divorce case requires you to engage with your emotions as you move through the divorce process. However, if you’re involved in a high-conflict divorce, it may be characterized by:

  • Extreme behaviors
  • Manipulative behavior
  • Unmanaged emotions
  • High conflict situations

Your ex-spouse may even be a narcissist or have other personality disorders. Dealing with a high-conflict spouse can leave family members needing professional support to manage the high-conflict behavior.

Further, every decision, from child custody arrangements and co-parenting to spousal support and asset division, can become a point of contention without effective communication.

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Strategies to Reduce Divorce Conflict

When a high-conflict divorce occurs, it impacts not only the divorcing spouses but their families. Children get caught in the crossfire. The high-conflict person can initiate custody battles and attempt to withhold child support or alimony.

If you are involved in a high-conflict divorce, here are several strategies to help you deal with your situation.

  • Hire a divorce lawyer immediately
  • Keep communications neutral
  • Set realistic expectations
  • Acknowledge that your case will likely take longer to settle than other divorces
  • Develop a support system for you (and your children)
  • Find a support group that will provide emotional support
  • Get help from mental health professionals when needed

A family law attorney can help you develop clear expectations for your situation. They can explain your legal rights and the process of a high-conflict divorce.

The Role of Mediation in High-Conflict Divorce

Mediation can provide an alternative to litigation in a high-conflict divorce. Mediation involves a neutral third party. They help you and your spouse reach a divorce settlement. A mediator will gather and analyze the necessary information from each spouse.

Mediation can involve one session or multiple sessions. In a high-conflict divorce, seeking representation is wise even if you and your spouse choose mediation.

A divorce mediator is a trained legal professional who helps divorcing couples with decision-making so they can reach a compromise. They can also help reduce conflict during the divorce process. A mediator helps to keep you focused on the end goal and diffuses intense emotions during a high-conflict case.

A collaborative divorce may also be an option to consider. It’s an alternative to the typical divorce. Collaborative divorces also have advantages over divorce through the court system. Collaborative divorces may be:

  • Less expensive
  • Take less time
  • Allow you to remain on good terms after separation

An experienced divorce attorney can offer options when dealing with a high-conflict divorce.

Prioritizing Personal Well-Being During Divorce

During a contentious divorce, prioritizing personal well-being and self-care becomes essential. Below are strategies for coping with the emotional challenges involved in high-conflict divorce:

  • Set clear boundaries
  • Focus on what you can control
  • Place a high priority on self
  • Utilize professional resources
  • Seek support from those who can help you
  • Build a solid support system

Managing your mental health is a critical part of your well-being. It has an impact on your family, including your children.

Protecting Children from Divorce Conflict

Do your best to shield your children from divorce conflict. However, understand that children know more than you think. Encourage your children to ask questions about the divorce, but avoid bringing your children into the center of your conflict.

Children benefit from two loving parents. Never actively try to keep children from their other parent without a valid reason. If you can no longer be objective about the situation, get help from a trusted friend or family member. Develop an effective strategy for co-parenting.

Of course, in some situations, such as those that involve domestic violence or other abuse, it will be necessary to set boundaries that could include keeping the child away from the other parent. In those cases, you will probably have intervention from state or local agencies or others.

In a high-conflict divorce, hiring an experienced divorce lawyer is essential. A divorce attorney can provide legal advice and guide you through your case, including negotiating with your spouse’s attorney, no matter how difficult your spouse tries to make the process. Get help today.

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