Should I Do a DIY Divorce?

Use these links to jump to different sections:

• How Complicated Is Your Marriage and Estate?
• Do You Have Children?
• Are You in Agreement or Just Trying to Get the Divorce Done Quickly?
• Are You Familiar with Family Law Matters and the Legal Process?
• What About Collaborative Divorce or Mediation?
• Find Legal Advice

People love to hate lawyers, and to some degree, this is earned rancor. Lawyers can be notorious for putting up hurdles where seemingly none existed, costing clients unnecessary time, expense, and distress. However, dealing with legal intricacies can be complicated, and sometimes, you need to pay for sound legal counsel to get the outcome you want. That said, you don’t have to hire a lawyer to help with a divorce case if you and your ex are amicable and can agree on the issues. Plenty of divorcing couples have handled their own legal documents and conflict resolution without lawyers. 

However, there are also plenty of divorcing couples who thought they could handle their own divorce, only to find themselves in a deeper mess than had they just hired a law firm for representation. Before you proceed on your own, make sure you know which category you are in. Here are some things to consider while you assess your needs: 

How Complicated Is Your Marriage and Estate?

The easiest dissolutions to handle on your own are the simplest, which tend to be shorter marriages with no real estate, no children, no special needs, and limited assets or debt. To the extent that you have few issues to sort out, it will be relatively easy to divide things up on your own. Conversely, as your situation moves down the continuum toward complexity, it becomes much more challenging to handle divorce proceedings without a family law attorney.

Do You Have Children?

It’s not impossible to resolve all legal issues regarding child custody and child support without the legal services of a family law attorney, but it can be considerably more complicated.

Even if you choose not to work with a lawyer, it is advisable to get help from other professionals, such as a therapist or a mediator. For one thing, no matter how much we try to make it otherwise, divorce is very hard on children. The more you can leverage the experience of others to help you anticipate your child’s needs and ensure their security, the better it will be for them. Often, there are issues related to parenting, including realistic projections of financial needs and details of a parenting plan, that can be very difficult to calculate and plan for on your own. Heightened emotions between former spouses throughout the process can cloud thinking about what is best for your children.

The more you can work with your ex to make decisions in their best interests, the better it will be for your kids. Sometimes, you can do this with just one another, but if you can’t, it’s important to work with professionals.

Are You in Agreement or Just Trying to Get the Divorce Done Quickly?

Sometimes, you just need to be done, and you may be willing to make sacrifices for the sake of closure. You can’t know how you’ll look back, after the dust has settled, on a decision to divorce quickly. You may learn that you gave up something you were otherwise entitled to.

If there is any part of you that thinks your proposed agreement is less than fair, or you suspect deception and don’t feel you can address this with your spouse, divorcing without a lawyer can backfire.

Are You Familiar with Family Law Matters and the Legal Process?

Every state allows people to handle their divorce pro se (unrepresented), and many jurisdictions have self-help clinics and legal aid attorneys to answer questions. In every case, the process of filing for your own divorce will involve the completion of paperwork (possibly online) and adhering to specific instructions. In some cases, the details can be fairly onerous and mistakes punishing; the process itself is lengthy and confusing.

Perhaps most importantly, if you’re proceeding without a lawyer, you need to know the law as it pertains to your circumstances. You should understand the implications of dividing property (for example, a house, bank accounts, retirement and investment assets, and debt), as well as how the laws in your state view pre-marital property, taxes, insurance, and inheritance. If you have children, be sure that you understand custody, child support, and alimony, how to write a parenting plan, and the impact of your settlement agreement, as well as how you can seek to change it if needed.

Pro se clinics in most courts can provide some basic guidance on completing and submitting paperwork but do not provide legal advice.

What About Collaborative Divorce or Mediation?

If you’re looking to avoid the potential divisiveness and expense of a contested divorce, an option you may want to consider is collaborative divorce. In collaboration, parties each have an attorney who helps negotiate a resolution that avoids litigation. If agreement cannot be reached, the parties must find new attorneys, eliminating any financial incentive to the attorneys of litigation. Mediation can also be a helpful option. Enlisting a mediator who facilitates negotiation on the necessary issues between you and your ex but doesn’t represent either side can be a helpful way to take advantage of the mediator’s knowledge of the issues while allowing you to keep making the decisions.

Find Legal Advice

Ultimately, some people can handle a divorce on their own, but there are risks depending on each situation. If you want further information on whether you need a lawyer or to obtain an assessment of the complexity of your situation, many divorce lawyers offer a free consultation. If the attorney you meet with cannot represent you, they may provide a referral to other legal services. Visit the Super Lawyers directory to find experienced divorce lawyers in your area.

For more information on different aspects of family law and the divorce process, see our articles on prenuptial agreements, child custody cases, and alternatives to family court.