Tips for Gray Divorce

Divorce is difficult at any age, but people over 50 can face unique challenges. The breadwinner could be hit with a spousal support obligation extending well into retirement. A spouse might need to reenter the workforce after they expected to be working. There’s also the emotional toll of losing a long-term marriage.

Divorces that happen later in life can raise issues beyond typical child custody and spousal support disputes. For legal help navigating divorce, contact an experienced divorce lawyer.

Factors in the Increase of Gray Divorces

According to family law attorney Jeffrey Greenblatt, of Joseph Greenwald & Laake in Rockville, Maryland, there are a number of reasons for the increase in gray divorce rates.

Social Changes

One is social changes, like the reduction in social stigma regarding divorce, as well as the increase in women working between the ages of 55 and 64.

“They’ve been working for quite a while, have accumulated pension plans, and have the financial wherewithal that they’re not so dependent on a male wage-earner that they need to stay in a bad marriage,” Greenblatt says.

Greater Longevity

People also, on average, live longer than in the past.

Greenblatt points out: “If you retire at 65 or 70, your longevity is somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 years. For someone who’s been unhappy for a very long time, the kids are now out of the house, they’re thinking, ‘I’m going to be around for a number of years, and I don’t want it to be with this person.'”

Adult Children

Yet another factor pushing older couples to divorce has to do with their adult children, and not solely because they don’t want to break up the home while the children are still there.

Greenblatt explains: “Once the kids are out of the house, they’re now staring across the dinner table at that person, and there’s no longer any buffer.”

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Divorce and Financial Planning

Filing the divorce petition is just the beginning of the divorce process. Dividing marital assets such as property, investments, pensions, and retirement accounts can be tricky. New expenses may blindside the unprepared.

“The financial implications are a lot larger when you’re older,” says Pasquale J. Crispo of Hariri & Crispo in New York City. “So it makes it more stressful than a short-term divorce.”

You’ll also need to make sure you have your own health insurance, either through COBRA, Medicare, or an individual policy. “It’s an added expense that I don’t think a lot of people factor into their budget,” says Elysa Greenblatt of Greenblatt Law in New York City.

Dividing Marital Property in Gray Divorce

Be aware that cars, houses, or other assets, even if you own the title or deed, can be considered marital property if you acquired them during the marriage.

Crispo recently counseled a husband whose wife had “squirreled away a lot of money in her IRA, under the illusion that it’s her money. But it’s not. It’s marital money and it’s subject to equitable distribution. My client, the husband, is entitled to 50 percent of it. The same is true of anything that he put into an IRA or a retirement fund.”

On the other hand, if you owned property before you married, part or all of it may be considered separate and off limits. Crispo urges his clients to keep accurate records of anything they purchased or inherited when they were single.

Getting Clear on Your Financial Situation Before Divorce

Especially among older couples, it’s not uncommon for the spouse who doesn’t handle the finances to realize they know little about the couple’s bank accounts and other money-related matters.

“We talk to clients all the time who really are in the dark about how everything works financially,” says Elysa Greenblatt. “If you’ve been married a long time, you also have had a long time of being used to not handling that, and then suddenly you’re taking care of that by yourself and also trying to figure out what happened to all of your money.”

This can make it especially tough for the non-working spouse to document their contributions over the years. Elysa Greenblatt suggests ordering a tax transcript from the IRS or trying to find an old statement. Even a page or two can help establish a financial history during the marriage.

We talk to clients all the time who really are in the dark about how everything works financially. If you’ve been married a long time, you also have had a long time of being used to not handling that, and then suddenly you’re taking care of that by yourself and also trying to figure out what happened to all of your money.

Sorting Out Spousal Support, Retirement Plans, and Other Financial Considerations

A good divorce attorney can help you achieve a realistic outcome. Crispo gives the example of a 58-year-old woman with a high-paying career who demanded a monthly alimony of $5,000, claiming she didn’t earn enough on her own.

“Just because they’re older doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re required to get everything [they want] in the divorce case,” he says. “You’ve got to find a lawyer you can trust and who is not going to give you expectations that are unrealistic.”

Older couples likely have retirement assets, which are now being disrupted. “A divorce attorney needs to look carefully at dividing a pension,” adds Jeffrey Greenblatt. He also recommends hiring a financial planner since your budget will change once you’re divorced. Many couples are unaware that, if they’ve been married at least 10 years, the spouse with the lesser income can collect Social Security benefits based on the ex’s higher earnings.

“That can be a real benefit,” he says. “The spouse whose income the calculation is based upon can still get the full amount. And the other spouse can get an amount equal to 50 percent.”

Get Legal Advice Early On

Even if you’re not sure you want to file for divorce right away, you should consult a legal expert.

“We talk to people who are in all sorts of stages in their marriages, and having the information about what it will look like is really important,” Elysa Greenblatt says. “Sometimes people say, ‘I’m not ready,’ as if apologizing that they might not be moving forward. From our perspective, that’s not a problem. It’s a big decision to make.”

Think about your standard of living in your later years. “You should let your lawyer do his or her job protecting your interest,” adds Jeffrey Greenblatt. “If you don’t, ultimately, yes, you’ve gotten rid of the stress of the marriage — but now you can’t live. Twenty-seven percent of women who go through gray divorce live below the poverty line.

After many years of marriage, it may finally be time to get a divorce. Visit the Super Lawyers directory to find an experienced divorce lawyer in your area.