How To Make a Divorce Faster, Cheaper, and Easier

Divorce often conjures up images of embittered spouses fighting over every last detail of how to divide their property or using their children as pawns in a custody battle.

But many divorces are handled in a calm, respectful, and even amicable manner. The key to making the divorce process easier is expressing a willingness to work through as many issues as possible without resorting to a courtroom fight. For legal guidance through the divorce proceedings, contact an experienced local divorce lawyer.

No-Fault Divorce

Historically, a spouse needed grounds such as infidelity or abandonment to file for divorce. Now, all states have some version of no-fault divorce. You only need to say you have irreconcilable differences or that there is an irretrievable breakdown in the marriage.

“For example, Massachusetts is generally a no-fault divorce state, so most often you’ll be getting a divorce under what’s called an irretrievable breakdown,” says Theresa Roeder, an associate at Rubin and Rudman in Boston. An irretrievable breakdown of the marriage means a divorce doesn’t require a showing of wrongdoing by either side.

Uncontested Divorces

In an uncontested divorce, the parties have already reached an agreement about the terms of their divorce before filing divorce papers with the court.

A divorce is only uncontested if the divorcing couple agrees on all terms of their settlement agreement. If there are any unresolved issues, a judge may have to hold a trial to decide which spouse should prevail.

Keep in mind that a divorce trial is a matter of public record. If a couple wants to keep their situation private, it’s in their interests to settle as many issues out of court as possible.

Divorce Mediation

In the divorce mediation route, couples agree to collaborate and settle their case out of court.

Tara Scott has been practicing law for more than 14 years and focuses on divorce mediation. “It’s just me and the parties,” she says. “We sit in the room and hash out a deal. It takes a couple of sessions. I do all the paperwork for them. Then it’s done. It’s much faster and much cheaper. It doesn’t work in all cases, but it works for a lot of people.”

Scott says about half of her clients have consulted divorce lawyers, but most of the time, the attorneys don’t come into the mediation. They simply advise and review the judgment afterward.

“Obviously, family law is very personal,” adds Jeffrey H. Uzick, a civil and family law mediator in Houston. “People tend to make decisions based on emotions as opposed to the objective facts. Mediation does resolve the overwhelming majority of cases,” he says.

“Most people have no idea how the family court system works — what judges do, don’t do, and why. And it’s human nature for people to believe what they think, whether they know the area or not. So, the role of the mediator is one of complete objectivity in the evaluation of the facts and the law.”

Divorce Mediation Can Be More Cost-Effective

Mediation can be a more cost-effective route, avoiding some legal fees and court fees that add up alongside filing fees. “To go through a heavily litigated divorce is incredibly expensive,” Scott says. “It can wipe out even relatively affluent people.”

“You can’t make people settle, but it’s in almost everyone’s best interests if they do settle,” says Juliette E. Lippman of the law firm Birnbaum, Lippman & Gregoire in Fort Lauderdale. “If the attorneys are fighting, the parties are fighting. It can become very costly.”

“Each party has to give, and each party is going to feel slighted,” adds Sue M. Moss, a partner at Chemtob Moss Forman & Beyda. “If each party is a little unhappy, then you have come up with the right solution.”

Steps To Avoid a Bad Divorce

Family law attorney Steven A. Mindel is managing partner at FMBK in Los Angeles. He gives this advice to couples looking to avoid a bad divorce:

1. Instill trust. “Even though people are getting divorced — and they’re very angry with each other, potentially, or they feel guilty because one is having an affair, or maybe they’ve just lost interest in each other, you have to have trust in order to reach a settlement.”
2. Disclose accurately. “Your assets, your debts, your relationships with other people, where you’re going to be on vacation with your children — those kinds of things.”
3. Fulfill your promises. “Specifically with parenting plans, if you say you’re going to pick up your child every Wednesday at 4:00 in the afternoon, then you have to pick the child up every Wednesday at 4:00 in the afternoon.”
4. Be flexible. “You have to bend a little and you have to be a little bit generous.”

Denver divorce attorney Mechelle Faulk tells new clients to stay off social media. Don’t post nasty things about your spouse. Don’t post photos of yourself doing anything that would be embarrassing if presented to a judge. This advice sounds obvious, but divorcing spouses often make these mistakes.

“People don’t act like themselves,” agrees Cynthia Ciancio of Ciancio Ciancio Brown. “It’s sad to see how bad people can behave during the process.”

Set Realistic Expectations in Divorce Proceedings

“I tell clients that divorce is the most important negotiation or trial of their lives, and they really need to focus and communicate with us,” says Stacy D. Phillips, a family law attorney at Blank Rome in Los Angeles.

“One of the things I say in the beginning is, ‘Are you sure you want this? I’m happy to recommend a therapist for both of you to try to save your marriage.’ I’ve succeeded in that a number of times,” says Phillips.

A rollercoaster of emotions — denial, anger, sadness, fear — comes with a divorce. Attorney James T. Cook, of Berkowitz, Cook, Gondring, Driskell & Drobeck, says to accept that this is part of the divorce process, and that it won’t last forever. “People just don’t know how long that journey’s going to take and what they’re in for emotionally because their whole world’s turned upside down.”

Another thing to realize before going through with divorce is that your standard of living may change. “A lot of people just don’t understand that when you’re separating from another person, that means you can’t rely on them anymore for financial support,” says Rachel C. Whitsitt, an attorney at Joseph, Hollander & Craft. “You can’t rely on using their credit cards anymore.”

Resolving Child Custody Disputes

Part of resolving child custody issues, adds Lawrence Litvak of Litvak Litvak Mehrtens & Carlton, is learning how to successfully communicate and co-parent with your ex.

“When you have children together, you should remember that one day you and your ex-spouse will want to attend high school graduations and weddings together,” Litvak says. “If you keep this in mind, it’s easier to let go of the emotions that are often quite painful at the time of the divorce.”

When To Seek Legal Advice From a Divorce Lawyer

Dea Coka’s first advice for anyone looking to hire a family law attorney is to assess their goals. “Figure out where you are in your relationship. Do you want to get divorced, or do you want to move forward with some form of marital therapy or counseling? If the counseling has not worked out, that’s when I recommend consulting a lawyer to talk a little bit more deeply about what that client’s future goals are going to be,” Coka explains.

Jeffrey A. Weissman, a family law attorney with Boca Raton’s Gladstone & Weissman, agrees. “You have to give an accurate assessment, not just what they want to hear.”

In some cases, you could need an attorney even after the court finalizes the divorce. “Not everyone is aware that after you’re divorced, you can still have what we call subsequent actions,” says Roeder.

Subsequent actions can include contempt, in which one party is not abiding by a term of the agreement. You may also need modifications for changes a party wants to make to the separation agreement.

“Most often we see those when children are involved: Parenting time, custody, child support, things like that. If your income changes, your child support may change; if you get a new job or you move or something like that, your ability to have parenting time might change,” Roeder says. “The court always wants to have those provisions remain modifiable.”

What To Look for in a Divorce Attorney

David Aronson, a partner at Aronson Mayefsky & Sloan, says that you should consider looking for an attorney who has courtroom skills but is willing to settle cases.

“Rather than a lawyer who always tries cases or a lawyer who always settles, you want a seasoned trial lawyer who will work hard to settle your cases, recognizing that settling is almost always the best alternative.”

In a divorce settlement, a lawyer can negotiate for things like alimony or spousal support after remarriage. These are things that the client might not get if the case goes to the divorce court system.

“Every time we have tried a case, we have failed our clients,” says Aronson. “It’s cost-ineffective and it’s a crapshoot. Good lawyers can divide marital assets with a scalpel. Judges, as good as they are, just don’t have time. They will divide a marital estate with a meat cleaver.”

Find a Divorce Law Attorney

Don’t be afraid to get a second legal opinion. “This is oftentimes the most important decision you will have to make, and it is no different than getting a serious diagnosis from a doctor,” says Tiffany A. McFarland, of McDowell, Rice, Smith & Buchanan. “You want a second opinion.”

Adds Cook, “You’re putting your whole life in my hands, and you want to make darn sure I’m the right guy.”

Each state has residency requirements and waiting periods to file divorce petitions. Talk to a local divorce lawyer who understands your state laws.