Legal Options To Stop Exes from Stalking or Harassment

A New York couple was in the middle of a divorce when the custody dispute got messy. Early in the process, she grew suspicious. Every time she got in her car, she felt like she was being followed. So she took the car to a mechanic and, sure enough, there was a magnetic GPS device attached.

In the digital age, there are high-tech ways for estranged spouses to spy on each other. Cars, cellphones, and computers are all targets. For legal advice about how to stop cyberstalking by your ex-partner, talk to a family law attorney.

When Tracking Is Illegal

Couples going through a divorce are increasingly turning to GPS, spyware, and formerly shared devices and accounts. Sometimes it’s to support their cases; other times, it’s to stalk and harass.

“We have seen scenarios where the other spouse knows they were at our office and will be abusive when they return home, start to move money, and install spyware on their phone,” says Alexandra Maxwell, a family law attorney at Nolletti Law Group in White Plains.

This is why many attorneys today partner with digital forensic services. “We’re very careful about protecting attorney-client privilege,” Maxwell says. “What we tell clients to do is to get a burner phone, or even just a flip phone, for talking to us. We also ask them to open a new email account. That way, we can know the other spouse isn’t getting in. We do this right from the initial consultation.”

“In high-asset, celebrity, or very contentious cases, I’ll use forensic investigators to sweep my clients’ homes, businesses, vehicles, and boats,” says Kenneth Gordon, head of family law at Brinkley Morgan in Fort Lauderdale.

“It’s not a super-unusual thing these days,” says Danielle R. Petitti, a family law attorney at Petitti PLLC. “We’ve had this happen in at least a handful of cases, and in some we litigated, we were able to successfully get orders restraining the behavior.”

Tracking Devices

In many states, it is illegal to place a tracking device on someone else’s property. However, the legality of installing a tracker on a car, even if your spouse’s name is on the title or lease, varies by state. It’s important to consult with a legal professional to understand the specific laws in your jurisdiction.

If your spouse “shows up at the places where you are, you can use the tracker as evidence for a stalking injunction,” says Vanessa Vasquez de Lara, founder of Vasquez de Lara Law Group in Miami.

Recording Devices

In many states, it is illegal for your spouse to put a recording device inside your vehicle or to secretly record phone calls or in-person conversations, says Brian Karpf of Young Berman Karpf & Karpf in Miami. Under Florida law, both parties must give their consent before a conversation can be legally recorded. Talk to an attorney about whether recording without consent is illegal in your state.

Installing Spyware

It’s also unlawful, of course, to install spyware on someone else’s computer. In the 2005 Florida divorce case O’Brien v. O’Brien, a woman put spyware on her husband’s computer to intercept his emails in an attempt to prove he was having an affair. But the court found the wife had violated the law and could face criminal charges.

Karpf recounts the case of a man who told his wife he was going out of town on a business trip. Instead, he went on a Caribbean cruise with his girlfriend. The wife discovered the husband’s photos when they were automatically uploaded to a shared family photo album.

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Protecting Yourself From Being Spied On

One of the easiest things you can do to protect yourself from being spied on by a former partner is to change the passwords on your email, text messages, social media, and financial accounts. Also, increase your privacy settings.

Jamie D. Alman, with Greenspoon Marder in Fort Lauderdale, looks at a spouse’s Facebook posts and takes screenshots of anything that might be helpful in court. If you already have embarrassing posts, there is little that can be done to remove them. Deleting them or taking down your Facebook profile could be tampering with evidence, Alman says.

Karpf tells clients who are going through a divorce to stay away from social media. If you do post, he offers this advice: “Don’t post anything you’d be embarrassed for your mother to see.”

Formerly Shared Phone and Data Plans

“People sometimes don’t realize they’re still sharing family accounts linked to multiple devices, which allows the other to access their emails and text messages. In these instances, the other spouse doesn’t even have to use spyware or traditionally ‘break’ into an account or device; they can just get access to it by signing onto a device in their control. We advise clients to change their passwords and their security questions as well,” Petitti says.

“When we have concerns that a client is being surveilled, we refer them to security tech companies to do sweeps of their apartment for listening devices, and we will also help them with computer and device security. The problem with this, as you might imagine, is you need some financial resources to hire these kinds of people.”

If you are attempting to avoid your spouse but check into a restaurant on social media or a location tracking app, you make yourself easy to locate. “There’s so much information out there about us that can be exploited very easily,” Vasquez de Lara says. She also recommends turning off the cellphone locator that comes with some wireless family plans (such as the Find My app on Apple devices).

Getting Court-Ordered Protection from Harassment

You don’t have to wait until you suffer physical violence to get help from the courts with a protective order. You can seek a restraining order from the other spouse for certain behaviors, such as tracking or surveillance.

“To obtain an order of protection, you must set forth a family offense, such as multiple incidents that may rise to the level of harassment or stalking,” says Petitti. “Generally, you must establish a pattern of illegitimate behavior.”

In extreme harassment cases, Maxwell says, one instance may be enough to secure court-ordered protection: “We have a client right now whose husband sent her a text message where he said, ‘I feel like I want to hurt you.’ We went immediately to family court to keep him away from her and got an order for protection in a matter of hours.”

These technologies are also used by family law attorneys to gather facts about the other spouse. “In New York, while you may place a GPS tracking device on a vehicle you own, using it to track another person without their consent can raise legal and privacy concerns. It’s advisable to seek legal counsel before proceeding,” Maxwell says.

Maxwell says clients have carried mobile cameras and voice-activated recorders as means of protection—especially if they believe there’s a likelihood of accusations of doing something wrong. It’s the use of the technology — the intent — that makes all the difference. Maxwell uses private investigators to install and monitor GPS.

The practice of divorce will continue to change with technology. But, Maxwell says, it’s not always for the worse. She recalls a case about a decade ago in which a victimized spouse came to her for a divorce and worried her husband might stalk and harass her. “We didn’t have as many tools to protect her back then,” she says. “There’s a lot we can do to be proactive now.”

Additional Steps To Protect Yourself From High-Tech Cyberstalking

• Change email and social media passwords
• Change settings so mobile device photos and files don’t upload to the cloud
• Boost social media privacy settings
• Stop or limit social media posting
• Have your car checked for a tracker
• Get a no-contact order from the court
• Talk to a family law attorney about a safety plan

Getting Legal Help

For legal questions about putting an end to a stalker ex, talk to a legal professional. Reach out to a family law attorney to explore options such as a restraining order, protective order, or other legal action — especially if you are a victim of stalking, domestic violence, or unwanted contact.